Worry
"to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret" - dictionary.com
This is the best description of what I have been doing in my own head for the last few weeks. And since I had been getting some subtle, and some not-so-subtle, nudges to pull my finger out of my butt I thought I had better do it.. (and thank you *hug*)
All of my worry is money related. Worry about the future, worry about paying the bills, worry about saving, worry about schooling and being able to buy what we need, etc. We have not been the smartest with our money and it has come back to bite us big time. We are trying to balance reducing our debt with having enough money to live and have fun. We have set up different structures on how we operate our business and I have been immersing myself in the world of GST, FBT, PAYG, Super, Workers Comp Insurance, and all the bits and pieces that go in-between. I thought I had hit an all time low after reading the 192 page FBT document but have managed to pull myself out of it. I know that the work I put in now, will ensure that we are building a stable base to build our future on. And this takes time and effort.
And it will be worth it.
It WILL be worth it. (as I sit and look around and the tree's worth of documents I have printed out - on two sided, recycled paper of course!!)
In other news:
The meet up with CKK and Jadey for the Palm Beach was FABULOUS and I am looking forward to going back there on the 29th to catch up with more people. (I had written a much larger post at the time and emailed it home but it seems so out of date now)
The original trapeze fell through due to a scheduling issue and I didn't pick up the 2nd option but this is still something I will do in the future. But I did have a wonderful evening spending time with some great people, even if they are all cheaters LOL...
I never got past week two of Beck's Bloggest Loser challenge as I think I have been in a deep cleaning state ever since. I did my pantry and after throwing out food and medicine that was up to 4 years old I had to admit that I had let things slide in a big way. So whenever I have a chunk of time I am getting into the jobs I have put off for years (top drawers, hidden cupboards, the linen press) and just chucking stuff out and cleaning things I want to keep and use and generally making the storage spaces work for me.
I finished the BLIII comp I was in and I lost 1.8kgs over the 4 weeks.
I have since put it all back on again and more as I have been eating my worry.
I have given up diet coke. Again.
This hasn't helped in the eating department as I now can see in the weeks proceeding giving it up I had actually stopped eating normally and was getting all of my energy and liquid from d.coke.
This caused me to hit a state of exhaustion that all came out during a Chiropractic visit last weekend that left me almost unable to move through sheer tiredness.
Oh, and I think part of it is because Mark gets on a plane at 8.00am on a Monday morning and comes home at 8.00pm on a Friday night. And has done so for the last 5 weeks.
BUT
I am feeling a lot more energetic since about Wednesday when the headaches stopped.
I have done all the washing.
I have cleaned the kitchen.
There is food in the fridge that is not processed.
The amount of water I am drinking has increased out of sight.
I am still growing my Avon business and meeting new people in my neighbourhood each campaign.
The house is tidy today so when I come home tonight I will be met with peace and calm and not the normal state of chaos.
I am loved.
And that is enough to keep me going until I can get some normalcy into my routine and get back on track with my eating and my exercise.
