Refreshed
I have had some time out lately. Time to think, reflect, get cranky (which I have been doing a lot!) but generally time away from my feelings and myself. This hasn't been a good thing. This time away has shown me why I wanted a journal in the first place. Why I needed to write and get things out of my head and have a space to write plans, ideas, reflections. Keeping them in my head hasn't done me any favours and it is time I do something for myself again. So here I am.
I did not have a good trip away last year. There were some good days, and a few good events, but overall it was a stifling trip - one filled with family (in-law) manipulations that I did not like and sent me off in a spiral of self-destruction. I think we were only there for an hour before I reached for the bottle. Fortunately it was diet coke and even though it broke my d.coke fast it was that or it was alcohol and I think I chose the lesser of two evils. For now. I shall give up again - just don't know when yet. I am finding I am needing it more than ever and even thinking about giving it up sends me straight to the fridge for more. But I am not worried. I shall get over myself soon and just do it.
Today is the first day back at work for me and even though I know I gained weight whilst I was away I went to the Chemist at lunch and got my starting weight of 85.1kgs. Not a great number but it is a starting point and it means I have some work ahead of me to lose 15.1kgs to get to 70kgs on their scales (their scales are about 3kgs heavier than mine??)
I am so happy my holidays are over and I am back at work. How sad is that. At least there is a positive spin - I can only get happier :)
To give new freshness or brightness to; restore. Source - Dictionary.com
I have had some time out lately. Time to think, reflect, get cranky (which I have been doing a lot!) but generally time away from my feelings and myself. This hasn't been a good thing. This time away has shown me why I wanted a journal in the first place. Why I needed to write and get things out of my head and have a space to write plans, ideas, reflections. Keeping them in my head hasn't done me any favours and it is time I do something for myself again. So here I am.
I did not have a good trip away last year. There were some good days, and a few good events, but overall it was a stifling trip - one filled with family (in-law) manipulations that I did not like and sent me off in a spiral of self-destruction. I think we were only there for an hour before I reached for the bottle. Fortunately it was diet coke and even though it broke my d.coke fast it was that or it was alcohol and I think I chose the lesser of two evils. For now. I shall give up again - just don't know when yet. I am finding I am needing it more than ever and even thinking about giving it up sends me straight to the fridge for more. But I am not worried. I shall get over myself soon and just do it.
Today is the first day back at work for me and even though I know I gained weight whilst I was away I went to the Chemist at lunch and got my starting weight of 85.1kgs. Not a great number but it is a starting point and it means I have some work ahead of me to lose 15.1kgs to get to 70kgs on their scales (their scales are about 3kgs heavier than mine??)
I am so happy my holidays are over and I am back at work. How sad is that. At least there is a positive spin - I can only get happier :)
3 comments:
Wow, what a mammoth first post. I think this is a fresh and envigorating idea and I can sense your readiness to make changes. It's not a gung-ho kind of charge, but a simmering energy - would that be accurate?
As much as family stuff can drive you (and I, and plenty of other people!) bananas, I find it so comforting that I have a great in-home family unit. That the two of us are great together and that we love spending time in the present and planning our future. That our goals include us and the people we will one day bring into it. That each of our favourite places to be is with each other. That try as other people might (intentionally or otherwise) they don't have an invite to our party and can't touch it. You have created your family, set the traditions and quirks that make it what it is, give it it's strength and humour and know that this unit will roll on regardless of the knockers. That is a huge achievement and not something that happens by accident. That Darcy could just trot off to school is evidence of it's existance.
The weight loss will come. You have done it before. You know what to do. You know you can physically do it. I too am armed with all this knowlegde and experience, yet the fact that I do not act on it just highlights that these factors are not key to my success - it's all in my head, dammit! It sounds as though you have your mojo back and that you're doing what it takes to bring it on. It's lovely to hear. I hope you have a great, active, relaxing, giggle-filled weekend.
I missed you!!
I missed your thoughtful posts and insights.
I so understand how not posting is hard because it is better to get it out and for people to comment on it too so it makes us get it sorted. I find that if I type it out sometimes it isn't as bad as I have made it out in my mind.
OMG I am rambling he he he.
Welcome back my friend!!
You can do this and we are all here to listen and help.
Love ya
Chubbymum
I agree with CKK - with all the problems we have with our extended family...it doesn't really matter, because we have the boys and each other:)
Welcome back...I have missed you heaps xxx
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