Moved

I have been off and quietly blogging in the last few weeks. Privately to see if I could do it regularly again - to see if I could muster the same drive that I once did. I realised that I needed to blog, and needed to get back in contact with people I had completely abandoned in my own selfish way.

But blogging I am and I have dropped all my old posts from both blogspot journals into the one wordpress blog so that all my meanderings are in the one place. And meanderings they are. Therefore I am now at www.mmeanderings.wordpress.com. It's a simple place. I can't muck around with the code, I don't know how to make it prettier, cleverer, I don't know how to add fancy things to it. And that is just the way I need it. It is a receptacle for my thoughts and my plans. And yes, it will be mainly about getting back into shape and losing the weight I have gained back, but it will be a little more. I don't have many people to talk to - to get things off my chest - so my little space on the web will have to be it.

I will be closing the blogspot blogs shortly - no point me clogging up the whole internet LOL.

Holidays

"Holidays are a time to have fun, reflect, and realise how lucky we are" Anon

I am on holidays from tomorrow until ANZAC day and I am going to take this time to have some fun with my family, reflect on my current situation and put into place more actions to get me in a better place. I have had my head in a funk for quite some time now and I have been keeping in touch with people and I have been quietly lurking around some sites, but I have put my blinkers on and have really focussed on the job that I need to complete at the moment and I am hoping this will be almost complete at the end of the two weeks. Then I can take a deep breath and move on to the next action point- which is me :)

Funnily though it was through my reading that I came across a really interesting post on the http://peachesandcream.ning.com site which asked us to contemplate the question "what if we were fat and had terminal cancer?" It was a great, thought provoking post and whilst reading it I realised that my Mother IS fat and has terminal cancer. She lives each day with a smile on her face and a ready smart alec comment and do you think she spends hours a day obsessing over the scales, or wondering if "her bum looks big in this"? NO. And it made me realise that I think I have had difficulty in the last few months returning my focus because part of me feels this focus is a bit petty. And the obsessive focus is. But the intent on better health is not, so since reading that article I have found my cravings (real or imagined) have subsided, my penchance for finishing the boys dinner has disappeared and I am being a little more observant about what and when I eat. And I feel better for it. It is only a few days, and they are only small steps, but I will take each one and hopefully keep improving it.

As it is now the eve of the Easter Long weekend and the beginning of the 1st school holidays I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday.

M x

Worry

Worry

"to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret" - dictionary.com

This is the best description of what I have been doing in my own head for the last few weeks. And since I had been getting some subtle, and some not-so-subtle, nudges to pull my finger out of my butt I thought I had better do it.. (and thank you *hug*)

All of my worry is money related. Worry about the future, worry about paying the bills, worry about saving, worry about schooling and being able to buy what we need, etc. We have not been the smartest with our money and it has come back to bite us big time. We are trying to balance reducing our debt with having enough money to live and have fun. We have set up different structures on how we operate our business and I have been immersing myself in the world of GST, FBT, PAYG, Super, Workers Comp Insurance, and all the bits and pieces that go in-between. I thought I had hit an all time low after reading the 192 page FBT document but have managed to pull myself out of it. I know that the work I put in now, will ensure that we are building a stable base to build our future on. And this takes time and effort.

And it will be worth it.

It WILL be worth it. (as I sit and look around and the tree's worth of documents I have printed out - on two sided, recycled paper of course!!)

In other news:

The meet up with CKK and Jadey for the Palm Beach was FABULOUS and I am looking forward to going back there on the 29th to catch up with more people. (I had written a much larger post at the time and emailed it home but it seems so out of date now)

The original trapeze fell through due to a scheduling issue and I didn't pick up the 2nd option but this is still something I will do in the future. But I did have a wonderful evening spending time with some great people, even if they are all cheaters LOL...

I never got past week two of Beck's Bloggest Loser challenge as I think I have been in a deep cleaning state ever since. I did my pantry and after throwing out food and medicine that was up to 4 years old I had to admit that I had let things slide in a big way. So whenever I have a chunk of time I am getting into the jobs I have put off for years (top drawers, hidden cupboards, the linen press) and just chucking stuff out and cleaning things I want to keep and use and generally making the storage spaces work for me.

I finished the BLIII comp I was in and I lost 1.8kgs over the 4 weeks.

I have since put it all back on again and more as I have been eating my worry.

I have given up diet coke. Again.

This hasn't helped in the eating department as I now can see in the weeks proceeding giving it up I had actually stopped eating normally and was getting all of my energy and liquid from d.coke.

This caused me to hit a state of exhaustion that all came out during a Chiropractic visit last weekend that left me almost unable to move through sheer tiredness.

Oh, and I think part of it is because Mark gets on a plane at 8.00am on a Monday morning and comes home at 8.00pm on a Friday night. And has done so for the last 5 weeks.

BUT

I am feeling a lot more energetic since about Wednesday when the headaches stopped.

I have done all the washing.

I have cleaned the kitchen.

There is food in the fridge that is not processed.

The amount of water I am drinking has increased out of sight.

I am still growing my Avon business and meeting new people in my neighbourhood each campaign.

The house is tidy today so when I come home tonight I will be met with peace and calm and not the normal state of chaos.

I am loved.

And that is enough to keep me going until I can get some normalcy into my routine and get back on track with my eating and my exercise.

School

School

"Education would be much more effective if its purpose was to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they do not know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it" - Sir William Haley

Unlike my little precious who at age 5 and the grand master of being at school for a sum total of 10 days (including today) has decided that he knows everything LOL. School is still going well and every morning he rushes out of bed to get dressed in his uniform and to insist it is time to go "right now!". And then normally it is a quick goodbye and I am off to deliver younger master off to child care. But not this morning. This morning was a leg grabbing, neck strangling, tear-fest of titanic proportions. I am glad to say I made it all the way to the car with the screams still ringing in my ears before I started crying.

And dammit I did my make up this morning because I am going to an Avon '"sales event" tonight. How hilarious. I made sure all my makeup, jewellery, bags etc are all Avon. Just for the giggle. I wonder if I will win a prize??

The only prize I want is cuddles when I get home.

**Edit**

I did win prizes. Whooo Hoooo. Two for being in the top ten sales for a couple of campaigns, and one for reaching a particular milestone for newbies. It's always fun getting stuff. I really wanted the tiara's given to a couple of the other ladies but I suppose that is what I have to aspire to LOL.

And I got loads of cuddles. From about 2.00am through to 6.00am. Loving it. :)

Knowledge

Knowledge

the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain
mental apprehension. Source - Dictionary.com

It's a funny thing this blogging caper. The very act of thinking clearly enough to be able to post, or posting clearly enough to be able to think, seems to set things in motion or improves clarity of understanding to a level that still surprises me.

For example. I know that 2005 was a good year for me. I started losing weight, I found out how to be myself a lot more, I met and kept a great bunch of new friends. Then 2006 was not such a great year and my last post last year pretty much put the blame on external circumstances - worry about health, family, finances, etc. But was it really such a different year to the year before?

No.

It only seemed to be because I did not spend the entire year focussing just on me. I did that in 2005 to the extent that I was not able to see anything else. However as I became stronger physically and mentally I allowed myself to open up and see what was around me and face the problems that were already there with a strength to be able to deal with them. Some things did knock me about more than others but for the first time in years I was able to deal with things that I had put in the 'too hard basket'.

Sure I gained a little weight, but I gained a whole lot more perspective.


Weekly wrap up
- Need to maintain focus as it slipped a little in the last 3 days.
- Lost 400gms in first week of BLIII challenge.
- Setting alarm each day to get up earlier, but boys are beating me to it by 'being scared', or wetting the bed, so morning exercise has been difficult. Todays was done but not sure if my eyes were open.
- Hit 10,000+ steps for the first time since last year.
- Water intake needs to be improved (buy new water bottle at lunch time).
- Weekly meal planning needs to be improved (write up weeks plan tonight).
- Feeling positive about direction I am heading in.
- Maintaining excitement about trapeze rather than allowing myself to be scared.

The Bloggest Loser

The Bloggest Loser

A bloody good idea - M

Beck has updated her blog and set up The Bloggest Loser challenge. If you are interested in playing along please head over to the site and have a read.

My entry details are below and I will update each Monday, along with my normal Monday stats. Will be interesting to see what happens as I haven't taken measurements in a while.

Before Shots



Before Stats

Squats in 5 mins:
Crunches in 5 mins:
Distance I can walk in 10mins:

Before Measurements

Neck	00.0 cm
Upper Arm (L)	00.0 cm
Chest	000.0 cm
Under Chest	000.0 cm
Waist	00.0 cm
Hips	000.0 cm
Butt	00.0 cm
Thigh (L)	00.0 cm

After Shots



Before Stats

Squats in 5 mins:
Crunches in 5 mins:
Distance I can walk in 10mins:

After Measurements

Neck	00.0 cm
Upper Arm (L)	00.0 cm
Chest	000.0 cm
Under Chest	000.0 cm
Waist	00.0 cm
Hips	000.0 cm
Butt	00.0 cm
Thigh (L)	00.0 cm

Stumped

Stumped

addled, agape, aghast, agog, appalled, astonished, astounded, awe-struck, awed, baffled, befuddled, bowled over, confused, dazed, dazzled, disconcerted, dizzy, dumbfounded, dumbstruck, flabbergasted, flipped out, floored, flustered, giddy, lost, misled, muddled, mystified, perplexed, punchy, puzzled, rattled, reeling, shocked, shook up, speechless, staggered, startled, struck speechless, stumped, stunned, stupefied, surprised, taken aback, thrown, thunderstruck, uncertain, unglued - Source - Thesaurus.com

I had so much to say. But after watching the cricket (whoo hooo) and after watching The Biggest Loser I have nothing to say. Actions speak louder than words so hopefully my 15 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes of arm exercises will help those actions scream.

Vibrations

Vibrations

"Any idea that is held in the mind that is either feared or revered will, begin at once to clothe itself in the most convenient and appropriate physical forms available" - Andrew Carnegie Source: You Were Born Rich - Bob Proctor

Years ago I attended a two day seminar entitled "You Were Born Rich". It was a brilliant weekend with a great facilitator, a good group of people, and information that I probably still, in some aspects, use every day.

And to clarify what this weekend was about it was not all about money. Or wealth. Or any type of scam. It was about the premise that at the precise moment you are born, you are created with all the ability to have a rich and full life. Then a split second later the outside influences of nature and nurture step in and each of us is carried along on a path that is not in our control for many many years. The seminar was about what you can do once you are in control. What practices you can put into place to ensure you are living, having, giving to your full potential. One of these things is to understand that each and every thing on this earth has a vibration - an energy. Each moves at a certain speed which gives off an energy which can be 'felt'. And if you are moving at the same vibration as that you wish to seek (health, wealth, happiness etc) then the two will be more easily attracted to each other.

For example when you buy a new car. As soon as you buy it you instantly notice them everywhere on the road. Or Philippa getting a piercing and now noticing it on the street. This is because the energy or vibration of your mind is attune more closely to that particular thing. It also explains why you can be thinking of someone, and then they ring.

It is amazing how I now can see that happening to me. Last night there was a flyer in my letterbox about a Beginners Yoga Programme starting in my area. It is in the evenings after the boys have gone to bed and it is close by. The cost is reasonable $170.00 for 10 weeks but the flyer was put in the letterbox too late. The sessions started last Monday. So I am choosing not to do this one and miss out on one week but I have rung and they will be doing another one a little later in the year. Which gives me time to save. Which also aligns better with the money plan. Which I will set out soon.

So now I just need to keep vibrating at the right speed and see what happens..

Thank you for re-visiting my blog. I am updating it as I go so if you don't see your name on the blogroll or I have not yet popped in to say hello - please forgive me. It is a work in progress and I will get there :)

** Edit ** News just in. Jadey has organised an early morning walk and breakfast for Saturday 17th February (the week before trapeze) so if you are interested and can make it, let her know at Operation Roxy. See those get fit vibrations are finding their way to me LOL

Challenge

Challenge

Something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc. Source - dictionary.com

Well it is on again - the Biggest Loser Challenge at Mark's work. BL III. It starts today and lasts for the entire month of February. The rules are as follows.

1) Weigh in. Register your weight on a private website link.

2) Lose weight. Regularly update your weight either by weighing in at home, at a weight loss centre, or on the industrial scales in the office (I'm kind of glad I don't work there!)

3) Do not drink alcohol. If you drink you are no longer eligble for the title of the Biggest Loser. (statistics they provided from the results of the last two years show that those contestants who did not drink lost more than double the weight of those who did)

4) Send in official last weight. The highest percentage weight loss wins.

5) Feel better, healthier, happier.

OK. Seems simple enough. I have registered. I have dusted off and calibrated my scales at home and taken my first reading (81.4kgs - not to be confused with the Chemist weigh in's which are about 3kgs heavier). I will be weighing whenever I feel like it and registering the weight on the website. I don't care that people at Mark's work will have access to this information. I know that access is restricted to two people and that only the percentage lost will be listed in the weekly Newsletter. I need to get back to being more publically accountable as that is a big motivator for me.

How am I going to get a good result this month?

1) I am going to drink more water. 2 - 3 L per day

2) I am going to eat healthy foods within my daily points allowance (which now is 22pts for at least 1.4kgs)

3) I am going to exercise in a manner which encourages weight loss and return of fitness. As well as a bit of toning for good measure. And let's chuck in a spot of trapeze just to make things interesting.

4) I am going to remain positive and do things in a positive manner to reinforce that I am doing a good thing.

I am sick of feeling sick and tired and bloated and lethargic and it is time I stepped up the challenges to myself. I am giving myself a call to battle - though have not yet worked out an appropriate battle cry. I am sure it will come to me LOL.


BLIII - Challenge Stats

Todays Date	Current Weight	Total Loss	%
Feb 01	81.4	0.0kgs	00.0
Feb 02	80.9	0.5kgs	00.6
Feb 03	80.9	0.5kgs	00.6
Feb 04	80.3	1.1kgs	01.4
Feb 05	80.6	0.8kgs	00.9
Feb 06	80.6	0.8kgs	00.9
Feb 07	80.9	0.5kgs	00.6
Feb 08	81.0	0.4kgs	00.5
Feb 12	80.3	1.1kgs	01.4
Feb 13	80.2	1.2kgs	01.5
Feb 14	79.8	1.6kgs	01.9
Mar 01	79.6	1.8kgs	02.2

Proud

Proud

feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something regarded as highly honorable or creditable to oneself (often fol. by of, an infinitive, or a clause). Source - dictionary.com

Today was Darcy's first day of school. He was a champion and I am very proud of my big little boy. We have been practicing for school and he has been wearing his uniform for about a week, and we practiced for a couple of days eating from a lunch box so he would know what to expect. And even though he is practiced in the art of being dropped off at childcare there was always going to be a question of whether he would scamper into class happily, or dissolve in a flood of over-excited tears. I am happy to say he scampered with almost no backward glance. He did stop and wave and say "Bye" and then he was off. I needed no further push and turned and headed out the door before he changed his mind. It was a great morning :D

If I can get him to be that happy every morning for the next 12 school years I will be a very happy Mummy indeed LOL.

Ashtanga

Ashtanga Yoga

Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga is a form of Hatha (physical) yoga that, like other physical forms, uses postures and breathing techniques as a starting point for attaining a state of 'yoga' or 'union'. Source - Live Better - Ashtanga Yoga by Anton Simmha

I bought a book today. I had a $15.00 Dymocks voucher that I was determined to use and after spending a blissful hour sitting in Dymocks Broadway reading some great books - all of which I wanted to buy - I chose a book. Not only because it was $14.95 (but that was very helpful) but because it is a compact, very simply written book, with clear pictures and descriptions. This is what I need to begin my yoga journey.

Bikram

Bikram

Bikram Yoga (Bikram Parmar) is a style of yoga developed by Bikram Choudhury. Bikram yoga is done in a room heated to 105°F (40.5°C) and accompanied by specific dialogue. People of all levels, ages and body types usually practice together with a teacher acting as a guide, taking the class through the ninety-minute series. Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class consists of a sequence of 26 yoga postures (or asana) and two breathing exercises. Source - Wikipedea.com

Ever since I took Shiny Ruby's Yoga Workshop last year I have wanted to get more involved in Yoga. But have done nothing. I read Mary's & Philippa's posts when the positive messages of what yoga has done for them jump off the page and think to myself "I need to get into that". And have done nothing. But having done nothing - and not doing anything in the future are two completely different things. Sometimes it takes a different twist to make me propel into action.

It was whilst reading Shiny Ruby's blog the other day I started jumping from link to link and ended up reading all about Bikram Yoga. It sounded fascinating. I even Googled for local classes and ended up reading more and more about Yoga. One of the things I read really resonated with me and I think uncovered a reason why I had held off jumping in again. When I did the workshop I loved it, but I injured myself. My body was obviously not yet ready to do a full class and I did not hear the messages it was giving me during the class so I kept going. I was not in pain during the class but in the days that followed my body certainly told me it wasn't ready. So when I read that a good way to start is to learn a couple of poses at a time, practice them, make sure you can move smoothly from one to the next and then add the next pose in. And so on until you can do a full series for a great workout for an hour or more. Ahhh the old lightbulb moment.

So many times I put off doing things - not just yoga - but debt reduction, savings, cleaning the house, exercise, weight loss, anything - because all I see is the big picture and I get myself so overwhelmed before I even start that I end up not doing anything at all and the problems escalate. I need to slow myself down. I need to take a deep breath and just accept that the smaller steps I take will eventually lead to the big picture. That the snowball effect that I know will help pay off my debt (thanks for that again Stella :D) will also work in other areas.

Friendship

Friendship

...That my life has been richer, because I have found, the meaning of friendship in you.- .Source - excerpt of a poem author unknown

I think I have mentioned in the past that I come from a background of very few true friends. Oh I had people I could talk to at school, and anytime I was sent away on sporting camps I had a great time and would never lack for someone to talk to. Or more accurately who would listen to me talking LOL. But I never had friends that I could say accepted me for who I was right now. Not caring about past or future or making assumptions or pushing agendas on me. But I do now. And even though we meet more on-line than we do physically I am so glad that I have friends that I can surround myself with. Because they make me feel better about myself.

OK some of them make me realise how much older I am as they gallavant off around the country doing everything they possibly can LOL but they accept me for who I am. Right now. Which is a 38 year old (gee that means I am 40 next year!! - better start planning the party now), Mother of two very active young boys, who has some image issues, but also just wants to have a laugh. I am glad that people can see straight into my heart now because it is when the face gets tired, and the words come out wrong, that it is the heart that reflects the real me.


Thanks to Mary for organising and creating a wonderful BBQ, to Dan for being a very 'manly' cook, to Philippa for allowing herself to be swamped by all these Sydney people that see her as a bit of a celebrity (or is that just me LOL) to Cath & Craig, Sarah & Tom, Jodie & Zoe, for being excellent company, and to Craig and Andy for setting me straight on Obelisk Beach. Sounds wonderful but I think you are right in me giving that a miss for now :D

Dreams

Dreams

Even if everyone says you don't stand a chance, don't give up on your dreams.Source - mottos for success

Chemist scales say 84.6kgs. Lost 500gms. The dream ain't over yet baby.

Stats

Stats

The mathematics of the collection, organization, and interpretation of numerical data, especially the analysis of population characteristics by inference from sampling.Source - dictionary.com

Monday Lunch-time Chemist Weigh In

Height	175cms
Start Weight	85.1kgs
Current Weight	84.0kgs
Loss	1.1kgs
% Loss	01.3%
Goal Weight	70kgs

Monday Weighing Date	Current Weight
08 Jan	85.1kgs
15 Jan	84.6kgs
05 Feb	84.0kgs
12 Feb
19 Mar
26 Mar
02 Apr

Refreshed

Refreshed

To give new freshness or brightness to; restore. Source - Dictionary.com

I have had some time out lately. Time to think, reflect, get cranky (which I have been doing a lot!) but generally time away from my feelings and myself. This hasn't been a good thing. This time away has shown me why I wanted a journal in the first place. Why I needed to write and get things out of my head and have a space to write plans, ideas, reflections. Keeping them in my head hasn't done me any favours and it is time I do something for myself again. So here I am.

I did not have a good trip away last year. There were some good days, and a few good events, but overall it was a stifling trip - one filled with family (in-law) manipulations that I did not like and sent me off in a spiral of self-destruction. I think we were only there for an hour before I reached for the bottle. Fortunately it was diet coke and even though it broke my d.coke fast it was that or it was alcohol and I think I chose the lesser of two evils. For now. I shall give up again - just don't know when yet. I am finding I am needing it more than ever and even thinking about giving it up sends me straight to the fridge for more. But I am not worried. I shall get over myself soon and just do it.

Today is the first day back at work for me and even though I know I gained weight whilst I was away I went to the Chemist at lunch and got my starting weight of 85.1kgs. Not a great number but it is a starting point and it means I have some work ahead of me to lose 15.1kgs to get to 70kgs on their scales (their scales are about 3kgs heavier than mine??)

I am so happy my holidays are over and I am back at work. How sad is that. At least there is a positive spin - I can only get happier :)